Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Demon Doll

Much to the disappointment of both my mother and mother-in-law, I have a strict ban on dolls across house Rowe. This ban has been in effect since before Lizzie was born, and since then, Andrew and I have only broken this ban once, while on vacation to buy this nice little wolf doll we call Luna.

The reason the ban exists is simple. Two weeks before Lizzie was born, I took a look around her nursery and saw nothing but dolls. It was as if as soon we had mentioned that the child I was carrying had a vagina, dolls came flooding in from everywhere. Literally all the designated toy space we possessed was all ready taken up by dolls. Ugly dolls, run-of-the-mill teddies, and strange animal dolls. Not to mention the fact that both Andrew and I grew up in the 90s and so have been dutifully hauling our collection of Beanie Babies around for the past fifteen years--you know, because they will be worth money someday. It was an overwhelming amount of dolls for a human being who hadn't even been born yet.



The ban has done its work, and while both grandmas hate it, they generally respect the policy. Until last week, when Grandma G. finally found the loophole.

We were out shopping in some of the cute little shops of Downtown Summerville and came across one shop where every thing in the store was exclusively made by the shopkeeper, or her family. 

Lizzie was running around, and as toddlers do, started grabbing everything. Unfortunately one of the things she grabbed was a doll. My mother pounced.

Grandma G: "Oh, look at that sweet dollie, look how much she loves it Ashlee."

Me: Blank stare.

Grandma G: "I bet she would love it for her second birthday, don't you think? Don't you like it Lizzie?"

Me: Blank stare.

Lizzie: (Egged on by Grandma) "Dollie, dollie!"

Grandma G: "Sigh. I don't know if mommy says it's okay to get it."

Me: Blank stare. 

The Shopkeeper looks up from her latest project. All eyes on me expectantly.

Me: (Woodenly) "Sure. If Lizzie likes it."

This conversation would have gone a little differently had the shopkeeper A: Not made everything in the Goddamned store and B: Not been actively listening and present. The reason for this is not because I am so unreasonable that I can't be a little flexible on the ban, but because the doll in question is creepy. And not the intentional Tim Burton type of creepy. That's okay. This doll has the soulless porcelain doll type of creepy from yesteryear. In fact, it's staring at me right now from where Lizzie last left it.


Almost as if it is reaching at me. Ugh. The main problem with the doll is really the face-or should I say lack of face replaced by two gray, soulless button eyes. Though the Little House On the Prairie look doesn't help. 


Unfortunately Lizzie likes it. And the demon doll was expensive. So it's sticking around for now. Unless I end up finding it with a knife in its hand or something. Then it's getting burned. 

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